Alia

Imagine you have a best friend who you trust completely. You know this person has your back in every situation and you ask for their advice in every situation imaginable. Over time, things begin to change. They seem a bit less friendly every day until finally, by the end, they’re more or less yelling at you that you’re a horrible person and you’re screwing everything up. Even if you realize they’re being unreasonable, it still hurts.

Now imagine that there is no way to shut this person out of your life. They are with you 24/7. A constant stream of negativity surges around you. That is depression: my mind appears to have betrayed me. I hate it and I cannot control it. I can learn coping techniques and receive treatment, but there is no eliminating it permanently.

We often know when we are being unreasonable and we feel guilty, but we cannot help it. A piece of each of our minds has fractured off and become so corrupt that it is nearly unrecognizable. Containing and quieting this corrupted piece often takes up so much energy that we cannot do much else. Showering, buying groceries, and doing laundry can become chores that take a full day simply because we have no energy left.

We know that people may find it frustrating to cope with a person who can only accomplish one task a day, but we guarantee it is much worse to be the person who can only accomplish one task a day. Frustration combines with guilt, anger, and sadness to create a mood indescribable. In this mood, anything that goes wrong is a disaster. Something insignificant like spilling a cup of water becomes a huge ordeal; instead of thinking “oops,” we will think, “I can’t even do one simple thing right.” It is easy to forget that these excessively negative thoughts are lies.

We cope as best we can, but there is only so much we can do. Sometimes, all we can do is survive.

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