I am a 35 year old woman living with the double-whammy of Bipolar disorder AND Borderline PD. One might think hearing this diagnosis that they should keep a healthy distance from me. But actually…people want to be around me a lot. And yet I am so isolated. The problem is…I don’t want to be around others all that much–not because I’m so unpredictably volatile as we are lead to believe people with BDP are thanks to media’s portrayals. It’s because intimate relationships are agonizingly painful to me and so I tend to push people away before they can get to close…or… as I see it-before they can reject me. My thinking is very distorted, which is the nature of both of these disorders.

Borderline traits keep my mood unstable throughout the day – Bipolar keeps my mood unstable for larger chunks of time. I hardly let anyone other than my amazingly supportive boyfriend into my world of ups and downs because stigma makes it hard for me to feel safe enough to share my truth with others. My boyfriend is safe mostly because he is a therapist…oh and by the way, so am I. I am an awesome therapist too. I think my ability to empathize in a way no one else can (not that I share this part of me with them) makes me a great therapist…not to mention I am highly trained. 

I’m so thrilled that this organization has been established because I am a huge proponent of eradicating stigma around mental illness. I would love to live my truth out in the open and normalize mental illness for others so no one ever has to feel alone in their experience. Mental illness is most certainly nothing to be ashamed of…it’s not different from any medical disease. It’s about time the general public sees it that way.

3 responses to “B.R.”

  1. katie needham says:

    Bravo B.R.!!

    I have been diagnosed the same but haven’t told anyone. My family isn’t supportive and I feel alot of rejection. You must be pretty smart to have gone to school and disciplined with this mental illness. I wish there was a place we could go and compare notes with medications. I go to the county and don’t feel like anything helps so I isolate in my room quite a bit. I guess we are all at different stages and need to support each other and you have done just that with your story. I lost many relationships due to my outbursts and anger-I try to control them but they come out before I can do anything about it and then it’s too late-the damage is done. I want to leave on a positive note and say I am truly grateful that we are bringing mental illness out of the closet so to speak and hopefully as we are educated we can educate others.

  2. Tamara says:

    I empathize with both of you. I have a friend that is very dear to me that has BPD and OCD. He does not live the U.S. and his country his very harsh on people living with mental illness. He’s 18 years old, and everyday I hope he will be able to get through without harming himself. But more than that, I pray that the people in his life would start to see through his disorder, and be able to see the wonderful person that he is.

  3. Jenna says:

    B.R, thanks so much for sharing as, I too have both Boarderline and Bipolar topped off with OCD and Panic attach. I didn’t find out about this until I was 40, five years ago, when I was diagnosed with Melanoma stage 2. I had just dropped out of school, I was going for a psychology degree. I was told by my doctor to seek counseling. It all made perfect sense to me, from that day on after my diagnoses. I could finally answer many questions about all the things that have happened to me in my lifetime. I was told by one of my most favorite therapist, that I have gone through and survived more unmentionable tragic events then the rest of her whole entire client list put together. The best way I found describe my life is; I feel as though I have been speaking a foreign language that absolutely not one person I’ve met thus far can understand. I’ve looked high and low for help getting off this roller coaster and wish, pray and keep hope. That help is coming some day…. I have no friends and no family support, they just think i’m a bad person.

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