That which scares us most in life is the unknown – things which we know the least about.
That was me five years ago when I first met ED. Today with much pride I say goodbye to him. We had a very long and tiring relationship. I’m glad I’m here alive to tell you about the eating disorder I won. I’m stronger than him and I won’t ever stop fighting!
Hi, my name is Breina. I am 24 years old and was raised in a Jewish Religious home. I come from very loving and nurturing family. I have 7 sisters and one brother. I struggled with Bulimia and Anorexia for over 6 years. I was lucky enough to spend a few months away at Renfrew’s residential treatment center. I am very thankful for the resources I was given during my battle with ED. I very passionately want to give that back in return.
It is not easy growing up as the “Rabbi’s daughter” always needing to be on my best behavior and setting a good example. All the rules around modesty kosher and holiday definitely impacted my eating disorder. Imagine what its like to have 7 sisters. There was always competition and attentions seeking. As a child, I was an OCD freak – cleaning 24/7. This was all good until my eating disorder developed. You know it did not come about because of who I was, but rather because of how I perceived myself. Today I don’t look back on my life and have shame or guilt and neither do I blame my religion. Now with much pride, I stand even taller than before. I got stripped to the core. I was a pure hurting soul.
As I look back on my life I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected for something good I was actually being redirected to something even better. GD often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.
We all have our battles and thankfully I’ve learned mine was with ED (eating disorder).
I have won my eating disorder but I had to fight like hell. I had no option but to be strong. We had a great relationship until I realized it was fooling me and I was really hurting. To you ED you are the reason my life was so difficult, but you are not the reason I am stronger today. That is because of me. After all you put me through I chose not to let my entire life be consumed by your foolish and tricky ways. I keep choosing recovery every day 7 times a week without you.
Life in recovery is far from easy, but each day I have more strength and courage to keep fighting. It’s been a year of intense growth for me. I learned more than my years alive could have taught. To be honest, pain changed me. Pain doesn’t show up for no reason. I learned to listen to them as they are messengers. We must translate pain into action and tears into growth.
We’re all granted free will the ability to choose between selflessness and selfishness, good and evil, to follow GDs instructions or not. GD wants us to only do good. GD decided to take the risk of free choice because the risk is inherent to growth. For a child to learn how to walk he must be allowed to fall.
I will always have some sort of struggle and I know there will be setbacks. The greater the challenge, the more strength it draws out from us. I’m sure as hell determined to create a life full of purpose and meaning in the ways of GD.
To anyone struggling or know of someone please know you are not alone and I advise you to seek professional medical help right away.