I had always known that I was different, I had no friends because no on wanted to hang around such a sickly odd kid as I was. I was always vomiting, had severe migraines, in fact my whole body ached. I was so distraught that I prayed for death every second of the day (not knowing what was wrong with me). This went on until I was forty years old and had a mental breakdown. I began seeing images of people in my head and was so ill for 3 days that I could not even keep a cracker down. I finally figured out that my best bet for freedom was to visit my primary care physician who sent me to my psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder). I was not crazy at all and wanted to tell everyone whom I had always known about my diagnosis to explain why I had acted so odd all my life.

Well, I kept telling people about my story and finally built a website as therapy. That was back in 2001 and from that website I have been able to support many survivors of childhood abuse and domestic violence who suffered with any type of mental disorders or illnesses but mostly D.I.D.

I still have the opportunity to help others from the pages of my site. At this point I have lost all of my friends and most of my family because of the shame that has been put upon my family. It has taken years for me to accept this but I finally find that loneliness is worth the price that I have paid to speak my voice.

I haven’t stopped telling people about my diagnosis and even my past life because I feel that an opened ear is more helpful than the words that I could speak.

Thank you for this website and the organization that you have created.

4 responses to “Candy”

  1. Marcia says:

    Awesome! Always trust and believe in yourself because no one else is going to. Also, be proud of the person you are because u have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy with anyone else! I think you are a very strong person to overcome the challenges and struggles you have went through. Love yourself because God does! I know this because I am 48 and also had to deal with all the stigma and non believers. Always remember you and your health is #1. I love you!

  2. Diane says:

    So glad that you are reaching out to others. I have DID, too, (along with major depressive disorder) and I know how intensely lonely it can be. I’ve written a book, and knowing that I will be able to help others through my writing is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Thank you for your story, and for hanging on. Stay strong!

  3. Brian says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. We too have D.I.D. but are not quite as brave as you to share our story with the world. We would like to, but mostly, we are afraid of losing our job. We have shared some of what it’s like to live with depression and anxiety on our blog as those are “safer” mental illnesses to talk about, but the C-PTSD, D.I.D. and borderline OCD, we don’t talk about much because we worry about the consequences. Thank you for being brave and sharing.

  4. Holly G says:

    At 52 I was finally diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder after a lifetime of mis-diagnoses and severe emotional pain.

    When I took a lengthy test to determine my level of dissociation (just 1 month ago), my score for emotional suffering was much higher than even that if your typical person with DID. And, as you know, anyone with DID has experienced a tremendous amount of suffering, whether it emotional, mental, sexual or physical – or, in my case, all four happened many times throughout my life.

    It is good for us to talk about it. I’m not sure that it’s the best thing to tell everyone about because, with DID, it’s been so sensationalized in movies, that many people, not knowing any better, are as afraid of DID and other mental illnesses as they are of the Plague.

    Good for you for sticking your next out! Keep at it!!!

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