I can recall several times where I thought, “Okay, I am done being Bipolar”. There are obviously many things wrong with that statement, so I am going to discuss one of those wrong aspects. The part about “being Bipolar” irks me. I am not Bipolar. I have Bipolar Disorder. There is a huge difference between those two statements. I do not want the diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder to define me. I am not the disorder. The disorder is simply one of the puzzle pieces that completes the complex puzzle of who I am. For quite sometime I had let the disorder define me. It made me feel very self-conscious and I felt completely inferior. I worried that people could see right through me and see nothing but the BP II. Although, no one knows except for my family and a few friends.
Bipolar II Disorder has definitely effected every single aspect of my life. For many many years I had no idea that I was suffering from BP II. I simply thought that I was crazy. I used to fall asleep crying because I did not know what was going on with me. I considered myself to be a terrible person because I had hurt my family and so many other people. I felt like I had no control over my life. The months leading up to my diagnosis were tumultuous. Over Christmas break during my sophomore year I was in the psych ward in a local hospital. I had hit my lowest of lows. I literally lost my mind. I became suicidal and I truly thought that my life was over. During my stay in the psych ward I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We did not know I had BP II at the time. My stay in the hospital completely changed my life. I left being a new version of myself—a healthy version. A few days after I got out of the hospital I started my Spring semester of sophomore year. I technically was not supposed to start back to school that semester, but I was determined. I declined going to Intensive Outpatient Treatment. I ended up making straight A’s that semester, and I made it into the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. I am so proud of myself. I was finally diagnosed with BP II six months ago.