My last suicide attempt, and I say last because there have been several, my parents didn’t even leave their camp site after being notified. When I called them to ask why my dad told me to “grow up, make better choices, and stop being so selfish”. My mom said something that I will never forget…”you got yourself there, now get yourself out.”
I was in the medical hospital for 4 days while my heart was being stabilized. My mom didn’t come to see me until the last day, even though she works in the hospital I was being treated at. The visit wasn’t pleasant to say the least. Once in the psych hospital, I didn’t receive one phone call or visitor. Since I have been discharged, my mom stated (in front of an authority figure) that I am no longer welcome in their home. My mom even started a group messaging thread through Facebook to let only certain members of our family and 4 of her bar buddies know I am not welcome in my parents home, false information, and just plain unnecessary comments that should never have been put out on the internet.
After one family member read the dirty laundry my mom was airing on the internet, they told me how disappointed in my mom’s actions they were. Once my mom found out the family member who showed me the “secret update messages” and that I was in their home still, my mom threatened to call the law and get that person in trouble if they helped me and didn’t get me out of their home. I was asked to leave and haven’t been to another family members house since. I was evicted from my apartment, kids out into foster care and have been begging my local community mental health for any kind of follow up out patient appointment since being discharged over a month ago but still don’t have one.
As a result of being shunned by my family and no support when I need it and am asking for it, I was forced to relocate to another state, leave my children behind (I will come back for them once I am stable), and start over with only friends for support. Only my mom’s bar buddies are participating in her immature posts and general lack of education on her only child’s mental illness to this day. Both of my parents tell me I’ve been doing this behavioral pattern since I was young and to get professional help but yet they are angry with me for it and will not speak to me.
I know my parents don’t understand mental illnesses and feel it’s only for (in their words) “weak minded people or attention seeking teenagers” but if they only understood how worthless and hopeless you have to feel about yourself before attempting to end your life…maybe they wouldn’t have turned their backs on me when all I really needed was a hug. I hope no one ever feels the way my toxic family has made me feel. No one deserves this.