Craig

Bipolar is a heart-wrenching challenge that almost seems unfair and cruel to have to live with. The operative word in that phrase is indeed “live”. The brain is a complicated machine that will turn against a person with bipolar like an engine suddenly thrust in reverse after traveling at steady pace. What we “live” with is a challenge at times that seems just about insurmountable, but we must however live. There are times when I, clearly as a person with bipolar disorder, must make certain proclamations to myself, that I will indeed see through the pain and wake again to face another day. There are times when although the speed of my brain’s activity rests on the shoulders of genius, there are feelings of angst and pain that will stab like shards of glass at my soul. How in the world do we combat or reason with this impenetrable fortress that is our brain turning its back on us? I’ve searched under every rock, read all the literature there is, asked people, doctors, nurses, even clergy for a reason or an escape plan for and from the horror of my own feelings. What I’ve come up with may interest you. If you break it down to a set of rules to live by, it could yield some sort of structure and vision. These affirmations may provide some solace from the pain, and at the very least keep you closer to reason, when reasoning feels like a luxury.

I’ve created (but not recreated) a mission statement and set of core values to live by. Something that I have found helps me in times when all that is going well, turns on me and tests the resolve inside my soul. Follow if you want, but try at least for a moment. After all we do need all the tools necessary in our arsenal to combat what makes us combat ourselves.

I give you my bipolar mission statement.

     -I will live today.

     -I will live tomorrow.

     -Regardless of the amount of cliche, I will cling to the phrase, “this too, shall pass”.

    -When the anxiety and fear become so monstrous that my body and existence shakes, I will remember with every tremor, that life beats inside me and will remain that way.

    -With each moment of despair, I will remember that life has availed to me visions of joy and promise for myself. Promises kept by the higher power that has created me to be so unique. 

    -When the confusion scatters my senses so into what seems like separate corners of the universe, I will plant my feet on Mother Earth, take a deep breath and let myself be imperfect, and accept myself for being the only me the world has been given.

    -I will take my medication as directed, after all I didn’t go to school for 12 years like those instructing me to take them.

    -When the weight of depression feels like the world’s difficulties are a heavy rock that won’t budge, I will become atlas with the strength to lift an entire world, I have it in me.

    -When frustration and an exasperating Twitch seems to define my personality, I will realize it’s just life reminding me that I’m here on this planet to live and breathe, not on another world or locked in my mind so distant I can never return

    -I will realize that my life is precious, that if the world wants to call me crazy, then color me crazy, with primary colors our minds have not yet stretched far enough to fathom or see

    -And lastly, if my pain becomes so unbearable and the confusion of my condition takes me to a place that should not fall into the likes of the human experience, I shall with everything I have left, cry out for help. I shall scream fire! It will sound like a shout heard round the world, but it will be heard. I will before becoming a victim or a statistic, seek help from the nearest hospital. I realize at this point I need help from others trained to help me. I will tell them the truth , that I am a danger to myself. I will and promise myself when the time is needed, to get help. I will relieve myself of any shame or stigma.

   -I will endure.
 
   -I will heal.
 
   -I will wear a wholesome, well deserved smile on my face.
 
   -I will love, be loved and love myself.
  
   -It is this I believe and this I hold true. Nothing, not even the mind that plays its tricks on me, shall keep me from seeing a brighter future for myself , the ones I love, or the world around me.
 
This is my mission.

One response to “Craig”

  1. Peggy says:

    Well written! How do you help those around you, specifically your partner to understand what is going on with you. I believe those of us in relationships with someone inflicted need guidance to help and further realize it’s what you’re going through and we are not the problem. My experience is that I feel like I’m the problem and often loose sight that it’s the disease.

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