Highly educated, high powered, highly paid corporate attorney. Wife, mother, daughter, friend, PTO rep, — yes, the classic American success story. But behind it all was a deep pain that no one could see. I was literally in pain every day. Emotional pain (for over 40 years my parents emotionally abused me and convinced me I wasn’t “good enough” that I’d never amount to anything and no one would ever love me. They told me I was fat, ugly, obnoxious, a pain in the ass and that I better change if I was ever going to fit into our family or society”. Psychological abuse (bullying because I was overweight, had glasses, etc and also from my family). Physical abuse (“back then” it was seen as ok to hit your child with a belt if they didn’t do exactly what you wanted or if your father had such anger management issues that he took his anger out on his children and your mother was a classic narcissist that only “approved” of you if you were a shining light in the world and a perfect reflection of her).
One day enough was enough. Why be here? Why stay? If all of that is true, what’s the point. So I finally let the depression monster out (or it came raging out on it’s own, I honestly don’t remember a lot from that time) and I became actively suicidal.
But with therapy, medication, breaking free from the people who were continuing to drag me down the rabbit hole, I found love. True, honest, unconditional love with a wonderful man and we then were blessed with a wonderful son. He is now 13. Every day I fight for him. I take my meds. I see my therapist and my psychopharmachologist and I stay away from unhealthy, unsafe relationships especially with my former family. I’m not all the way “back” yet, and maybe I never will be. But I’m here, I’m healthy, I’m happy, I love and I am loved. I went to hell and came out the other side. So many other people can’t say that because our country doesn’t put a priority on mental health care.
We have to do more. We have to get involved. We have to CARE for those who have no one else to care about them and make sure they know they matter.