Jose

I’m not sure if this will ever get far, but it’s something this website has me optimistic about. I’m 20 and this was possibly my most successful collegiate year in both athletics (I am a college baseball player) and also academically as I’ve pulled off a 3.0 GPA. I attend a school far away – 7 hrs away from all my family members and loved ones. I did nothing but look forward to the time when my work was complete in school and baseball. When the time came and I had successfully achieved my personal goals and my mission for my sophomore year of college, I realized drastic changes. I became very anti social, I lost motivation, had high anxiety, and felt like a robot. Due to this I fell into a depression.  Someone so happy with myself, thousands of friends and someone who truly enjoys life.   I’ve always been motivated and regardless of what has happened I stay motivated.

After doing some research I came to the conclusion that I had a mental illness and disorder called “Depersonalization”.  My very person in question. I knew something was wrong and in fear of the world I choose a person to tell and later on, a parent. I now have worked on going to a therapist and had one sit down and say that what I believed I had is what I actually do have.

I plan to overcome this horrific disorder and this foundation is amazing. Just when I thought nothing like this even existed, I saw something on Brandon Marshall on the NFL network at about midnight. Thank you.

2 responses to “Jose”

  1. christina s says:

    I wish more people would realize that mental illness existed, I was recently on a date and i told my date that the woman that called me a F…….. bitch was obviously disturbed and just let it go but he couldn’t That disturbed me. I like the guy but will not keep seeing him, because of it. I am so proud of Brandon Marshall. And I could Go out with someone with a mental illness if they are taking care of it.I am recently separated and totally attracted to positive people.thank you for your message Jose.

    • Drew M says:

      I sat here reading this and thinking about how lucky you are to have this come on in college, but our story is pretty similar.Before my DP hit me, I’d always been a pretty “popular” kid, made good grades and have a close to genius IQ. Upper middle class family, grew up in a resort community and had great parents, friends and everything else I could ever want as a human being. That was the outside, but inside I’d always struggled wth anxiety off and on since my first memory. I hid that very well, and eventually when I was older, I started to smoke weed to cope. 9th and tenth grade it worked well for me. The week before the start of junior year, me and a few friends decided to trips shrooms. That day shaped my life forever. The details of the trip make the feelings about that day to hard to process, and it’s long winded and summarized by I freaked out hardcore. Eventually shrooms wore off and I went out, smoked spice, high grade weed and drank my ass off. After waking up at a friend’s house,i knew that something was very wrong. I felt like I was on shrooms again, and panicked and went home. It took lots of time, and I missed the last part of childhood to depersonalization and anxiety, but today I have recovered, actually it was over 18 months, maybe 2years by now. Find a good psychiatrist who’s willing to do whatever it takes to help you. I lived life for 5 years feeling as if things weren’t real, even though I knew they were. Feeling like a character in a video game with the controller in someone else’s hand. It’s so hard to describe it I don’t have words for it, but you completely understand that. Don’t go to institutional psych hospital’s for care. Antipsychotic drugs kicked my DP into overdrive. The combination of Zoloft, Suboxone, valium, Lunesta and the courage to finally get to the point of being determined to be free from this disease. It’s not forever, and certain other drugs I’ve taken with great success. If you ever want to talk to someone about it, just reply. I know I was dreaming for someone to finally understand what it was. Again, contact me.if you want and stay hopeful.

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