Kristine S

My name is Kristine, and I was hospitalized for Anorexia at age 16, but my symptoms really started to emerge when I was 13 after I had been in a traumatic car accident while driving with my dad. That horrific moment changed me forever. I began to isolate myself, falling into the trap of an eating disorder in order to cope with the intense feelings that I kept bottled up inside.

Right now I am 20 years old, and over the last 7 years I have been constantly battling my eating disorder. I have been in and out of treatment, but this time is different; now that I am an adult, I have made my own choice to check myself into outpatient recovery on my own, which I have always been forced to do in the past, but now it is my choice. I have finally decided that I have had enough of my eating disorder; now, I am truly passionate about recovery and I am more than ready to take back my life.

Lately, I have been doing very well; my treatment team loves my enthusiasm and all of the effort that I am putting into recovery. As I have gained back my health, I have been able to see things so much clearer; I now realize that there is so much more to life than this eating disorder. I am starting to find myself beyond my eating disorder, and that is definitely worth all of the hard work that I have had to do to get to this point in my recovery.

Over the years, I have lost so many friends due to my eating disorder, and this is one of the main reasons why I have joined this community, to get myself back into the world, develop relationships again, and be a part of something positive; also, fulfilling my future dream of becoming a therapist so that I can help others in beating this deadly disorder.

What I want is to live a balanced life, and what this means for me is living my life to my fullest by learning, experiencing, and just living in the moment. Life is a journey, and I am ready to take mine.

Now, I would not say that I am completely recovered; I still struggle with my eating disorder, which is why I am here, for support from people who truly understand. But, by continuing to choose recovery, I am much freer, happier, and healthier than I have ever been, and it feels great. This whole eating disorder is NOT worth it! No one should have to go through all of the pain, suffering, depression, anxiety, and turmoil that this deadly, manipulative disorder forces upon them. We have a choice to let this disorder go and live our lives to our fullest.

I was in a serious car accident when I was thirteen years old and I feel like this traumatic experience was what set off my eating disorder because, ever since, I have been isolating, holding my feelings inside, feeling lost, and disconnecting from everyone that loved me. I used the eating disorder to cope with all of the stress, but this unhealthy behavior lead me down a miserable, dangerous, and lonely road, and I am not going down that road again.

This time around, after five years of being in and out of both inpatient and outpatient treatment, I am truly dedicated to getting my life back. I am passionate about helping others through their journey’s, but I always seem to slip when I focus on recovery myself. I have been getting lazy with my recovery, giving into ED behaviors and thinking that everything is going to be okay, that nothing will happen. I was so naive. I am still young, thinking that I am invincible, when I am not. I learned this today when my whole world came to a stop.

I was rushing through my life, on a binge of nonstop work before my holiday break came, which is typically an eating disorder pattern that I fall into, but this time, I was determined to break it. I had promised my treatment team that I was not going to give into my eating disorder before the holiday, and I was committed. But, one moment, just one moment I had slipped and gave into my eating disorder because I felt like I had to. In these moments, I am like a drug addict, doing whatever I can to get that next high. I knew that I would pay for this, but I didn’t think it would be in such a horrific way. On my way to group therapy, I got in a car accident. Fortunately, I was not hurt, but, just a second later and I would have been killed. My whole front bumper was destroyed as the other car T-boned me, it all happened so fast, and I was shaken up and scared to death, but this was the perfect reminder that this disorder is serious.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The fact that I had survived the car accident when I was thirteen, and the accident that I was in today, means that I am meant to do great things for others, to tell my story so that people can take this disorder seriously. I gave into my eating disorder, and the universe snapped me out of it. A car accident is one of the major factors that caused me to slip into this disorder, and ironically, another car accident is going to be what snaps me out of it. I do not know why things like this happen, but it is all for a reason, and I believe that my reason is to help others. I will do whatever it takes, I will dedicate my life to ending this disorder, and I hope that you all take this very seriously. The universe has given me many signs, and now, I am truly letting this disorder go. Even if this karma stuff is not true, still believing in it will only help me recover. I’m angry at my eating disorder, I’m angry at myself for giving into its irrational lies. I am ending this now. Finally coming out of the fog and letting go of this eating disorder. This is my story, and I hope you all use it as inspiration to overcome this eating disorder. Recovery is possible, and I know that we can all do it. We are all very strong people and, if we put our minds to it, we can overcome this eating disorder.

An eating disorder is a death sentence, and we have a chance at recovery, so we should take it. Just let it go, and wake up. Look for the signs that the universe gives you and always follow your heart and everything will work out. Trust me. We are very insightful people and meant for great things, so just believe in yourself. Please, never give up and stay strong.

4 responses to “Kristine S”

  1. Katy says:

    Sending peace, love, courage, and hope to you! You are so brave for facing your addiction so young. Unfortunately, I waited until I was 31 years old to deal with mine, and I ended up losing 16 years of my life to my eating disorder. You are right – there is SO much more to life than your eating disorder. When we choose recovery, the gifts are endless. I knew that I would not be able to have the life my higher power had waiting for me until I got well. Now I am 6 years into my recovery and I have a loving and supportive husband, 2 beautiful baby boys, and a home and career I am so grateful for. Before treatment, none of these things would have been possible. I am reconnected with friends, family and community. I still have bad days, but they are one in a million…And now we have the tools to work through them. ..So keep going. Don’t give up! Sending love and encouragement.

  2. megan says:

    your insight is beautiful…I have been struggling with eating disorder issues (and other mental health issues) for more than half of my life and I am finally realizing the connections between past traumas and my anorexia/bulimia. I am glad you have realized this while you are still so young. congratulations and best of luck in your continued recovery!

  3. Andrea says:

    You sound like a beautiful and courageous young woman. I want to you know that your goal is possible. I suffered from anorexia and depression for many years (I am 53 years old) and I became a therapist. I work with people who are diagnosed with many different psychiatric illnesses so I can give back to those who are hurting what my therapists and psychiatrists gave to me. Don’t give up your dream, You can do it.

  4. Debra says:

    You, my dear, have my respect. I wish everyone would have such disipline as to go through what you are and make an effort to recover. Heck, I wish I can be like that.

    As for those fools that dropped you as their “friend,” you can do better that these so-called friends. Remember that.

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