Let me start by saying thank you for this website. I have been trying to bring awareness to the stigma attached to mental illness and suicide but it falls on deaf ears. It’ s an uphill battle but I will not back down. We may not be able to wipe out stigma in our lifetime, but by talking about it and sharing our stories, we are on the road to change for future generations. Somethings gotta give, right?
Your website gave me the inspiration to share my story. I thank you for that, as it was a very liberating experience. I feel a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Thank you so much!
When I was diagnosed with stg 3 bc, I was an overnight success. People adored me like a rockstar, treated me like a ninja warrior, I received cards, flowers, gifts etc like I was the queen of the world. It was a bit over-whelming to be honest, I’m not good with praise of any kind let alone being praised for having a death sentence hanging over my head lol. It was over stimulating and I felt kind of uncomfortable with all of the attention. HOWEVER, because of the support I was given – I skated through surgery, treatment and endless complications with ease. I had love and support of friends family – ah hell – even Tom Dick and Harry!!!!!! With that kind of support army on your side – you can almost beat cancer, right? Well so far so good – I’m going on 6+ yrs without any sign of it returning. Here comes the good part. Because of the endless complications -numerous surgeries followed. I was either in the hospital or in bed most of the next few years. I became depressed. It seemed like it was never ending. The pain meds were helping with the pain and the depression – until they stopped helping! Now to be totally honest, I did not get depression from cancer surgery complications. I already had depression, anxiety and panic attacks on and off my whole life. You know how it goes – triggers can pull you back in – and this period of endless surgeries, pain meds, hospitals and beds was certainly a trigger!!! Now comes the good part. Once people caught on that I was “losing it” as some called it – that army of support that I had surrounding me helping me beat cancer – was now abandoning me because I had that dreaded stigmatized “mental” illness! Who would’ve thunk it right? I can honestly say that I needed them LESS when I had doctors, chemo, radiation and the like helping me beat the cancer. I needed them MORE when there was nobody to help me – and that was when my depression came back. I think this is how we ALL feel having sickness in our brains that cause depression, anxiety, panic, etc – we get the support when we need it the least and when we need it the most we feel alone in the fight. That’s where the danger of suicidal thoughts come in. Stigma is dangerous. When is the world going to realize this? How can you be a hero one day because you were diagnosed with cancer, and the next a loser because you were diagnosed with mental illness????????? This is one of the most difficult fights in my life having depression anxiety and panic, and all that comes with it – – and my army left me a prisoner of this war alone. WOW, Ive thought about this too much since I experienced it, but until I wrote it down I didn’t realize how very much I was affected by it. It’s no wonder I was suicidal, huh? Doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure it out, right? We all have these kind of issues. We are all in this together. We need each other to support one another. Everyone struggling with mental illness is my hero. It’s one of thee hardest battles one can go through in life. Not being able to control how you feel from day to day sucks. I would not wish it on my worst enemy let alone the happy shiny people who are bouncing around doing happy dances every day LOL LOL. I am in awe of those who can truly be happy without effort. I wish I knew how that felt. But I do know this – IT’S NOT ME – it’s my brain being sick – that causes these feelings. We are not at fault. We are not causing ourselves to feel this way. We have no control over it. We are also ninja warriors of the universe – just like cancer patients or anyone fighting any disease. We have to fight to hold our heads up high.
HUGS LOVE AND SUPPORT !