I grew up absolutely certain that I would be a successful professional musician. I knew this was what I was meant to do. At least if I couldn’t attain this rockstar status, I never had doubts about my future or at all expected that panic and Agoraphobia would turn everything upside down. I am 28, and have suffered from Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and Depression since I was 22. I had panic attacks now and again starting at age 20, and it seems that one day I was immersed into a frightening world of senseless panic and derealization. My body felt numb, weightless, my head experiencing odd new pains, my breath seemed nowhere to be found. And this was the new me. I found a great amount of relief from all my symptoms with medication, however the only medication that seems to effect me positively is frowned upon by doctors. I have experimented with different psychologists and find therapy to be a world in which you must seek out someone who can understand your problem and experiences with empathy, and that can be difficult. Depression has set in for me multiple times, especially when realizing that my panic can and will deter me from achieving my dreams. I know the difficulty of attempting to play music to large crowds in large venues or wide open spaces, the impossibility of touring and flying in airplanes. Although I have been able to play smaller venues with the aid of my medication, I know that the road I was on has come to an end. I am coming to terms with that and am trying to regain my happiness and start living a somewhat normal life. I now have a son, less than a year old, whom I love more than anything, more than I knew was possible. For him I try to push on and find ways to cope with fear. My beautiful boy deserves an amazing life and I will do everything I can to make sure my disorder doesn’t interfere with his life. I have faith in therapy and am looking forward to seeing results. I may not get to be a rich and famous musician like I had dreamed, but I won’t give up on being a good person and the best father I can be. My heart is with every single sufferer of Agoraphobia and Panic Disorder.

8 responses to “Lukas”

  1. Pat says:

    Things will get better. I’m the proof! I get it completely! Get CBT as well as meds. There is hope.

  2. Monica says:

    I actually got chills reading your story…my son also has anxiety and panic disorder issues…he keeps going but there are many things hard for him to do…he can manage going out and about but it takes a toll and he is exhausted when he gets to his safety zone of home!!! Thank you for your words!!! My heart goes out to you as well because I know what it is to watch this in another person and feel helpless to help them!! We have great doctors now so things are somewhat ok…but I will search high and low to find joy for him in any way he can have it!!!! Prayers for you!!!

    • tiana says:

      Monica, I am Lukas sister, where do you live? If you live in Washington we need your Dr’s names. If anyone reads this that lives around Lukas and you’ve found Dr’s that will help with meds instead of frowing we’d love their names. I’ve had issues so I fully on Luke’s side. We having a dying sister right now, which I’m sure it’s making his anxiety flare and hated to come see her. I wish all of you the best of luck.

  3. Nancy says:

    Thanks for sharing Lucas. Dr Bill Pettit of 3PGC( 3 Principles Global Community) is an enlightened psychiatrist who works with patients who struggle with anxiety disorders. He has several YouTube videos on the subject. Good luck and thanks for being an inspiration!

  4. Melinda says:

    Go on man! The aim is just fine, you’re on the right track.

  5. Love you man says:

    Love you bro

  6. Kevin Eld says:

    Love you bro.

  7. Matt Er says:

    Thanks for sharing Sir Luke. I have struggled with some form of anxiety my entire life and I remember the fear/worry that came over me when you told me our band (Solar Opposites) would be playing our first performance, battle of the bands! Rather than excitement I worried like crazy!! I guess I was good at hiding it. Ultimately you were the one that pushed us to move ahead and I can’t thank you enough because it helped me overcome my fear and I had the time of my life once we started playing on stage. I learned I LOVED performing music with my best friends and that is thanks to you. Perhaps this is cheesy but who cares, it’s true. Love you long time Luke. Thanks for sharing this Sir Luke.

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