I came out of an abusive marriage after 25 years that left me damaged mentally. I didn’t realize during that whole time that I was suffering from a form of mental disease. I had 2 children and the first, my daughter, who I love dearly, had to see and hear the ravings of her father. No child should have to live through such an experience. The guilt and shame of what I felt was my fault still haunts me to this day.
One day now over 15 plus years ago, my ex called me, out of the blue and told me to come home, collect my belongings and get out! I was in a state of panic. I had to call on my daughter for help. Now my other child, my son, was left with this monster and again I was left with more shame and guilt. I couldn’t think at all. I had been going to a counseling center for domestic abuse, and although I’d made some progress, it just wasn’t enough to really help me. Being forced out of my home put me into a heightened state panic, anxiety and fear.
My sister, who always been there to help me; intervened and took me to our primary care doctor, and told him the story of what I had gone through and now how I needed help. He agreed, sat with and told me he was going to give a script for Xanax, which he said would calm me down and help with the panic attacks and anxiety for the time being. Well after a very long time, I realized I had to take steps to find someone and somewhere to help with my suffering mental state. I was given another prescription by a primary care doctor, who after a time told me that I would have to see a psychiatrist for further examination. Well I went to a place that began my journey into the Medication Factory ! There wasn’t any help there…..just a doctor who had a prescription pad and that was that! Being in such an unfamiliar world, I unfortunately accepted this treatment. I was living alone and had to maintain a job to earn a living and my mental state would keep me home unable to even get out of bed.
The most important thing I missed was a DIAGNOSIS of my condition !!! I was suffering so much and the only thing I had to count on were anti depression meds ! I tried many times to get the help I needed but to no avail. I finally realized that this was all the help I was going to get and it came from a large variety of drugs that I was prescribed ! Till this day I have not been diagnosed or have I been able to find a professional who could really listen and help me.
Mental illness comes in all forms and unfortunately is put on a short list. So I understand the stigma and the neglect of all the mentally ill and I am happy to finally have found somewhere that I can tell my story.
Thank you to Glenn Close and all the people involved in this cause, I salute you !!
I now am retired and live in South Florida near to my sister and her family.