Miriam N

My name is Miriam, I’m from Spain and I’m 17 years old. When I was 13 I started to have depression. I’ve never understood how it started. My first year with this mental disorder I was alone, I cried every day in school, in the house, in the bath.  My family had never been worried for me. Then I lost my friends. In addition, when I started high school teenagers didn’t want be my friends because I’m Asian. The time was passing and I was not improving but I was deteriorating increasingly. Nobody wanted to know about me. When I was 16 my sister confessed to me that she had depression since 13 but she never told me. At this moment my heart was broken because she’s like my mom. Since then I always wonder why she has never been worried for me.

This year I met a boy on Twitter who has depression too. I felt loved for the first time, but when I was to meet him face to face … he didn’t exist, he just was a lie. Thanks to the event I thought that what happened was meant to be this way.  I didn’t have answers just questions. Then I thought I needed to visit a psychologist. I was very dark, I could only think of suicide (and I tried), heard sad music, come up to such a point of seeing series of suicides and murders, etc. I wasted time with the psychologist but they couldn’t understand me and didn’t help me like I wanted. Nowadays I continue with this, doctors have diagnosed me with eating disorders, OCD, and obviously depression. Everything in my world has changed, I really feel alone and I’m trying to control my mental disorder but sometimes I can’t..

2 responses to “Miriam N”

  1. Carrie says:

    You’re not alone, my dear. I very often felt sad, just like you, when I was a teenager and I couldn’t understand why. I would hide in my room away from friends and family. I had anxiety but no real tools for dealing with the feelings. I was told to just “knock it off” or “get over it.” I see it in my 12 year old son now, and I see signs of depression in my 10 year old daughter from time to time. Depression runs deeply in my family and the stories have ended tragically. There IS help out there. You deserve a place in this world. You are NO accident and are meant to be here. <3 I am thinking about you!!

  2. gabby says:

    Hi Miriam and my name is Gabby and I work as a Human Givens Therapist in Ireland – I too have suffered with depression many many years ago and have seen both sides of a very dysfunctional psychiatric system ( having worked as a psychiatric nurse and having been a patient too!!!) Depression is curable – with the right information you can get your life back on track. Have a look at the Human givens website and their is a section on depression. if you would like to email or chat I would be happy to help. The main cause of depression is “worry” believe it or not caused by not getting emotional and physical needs met (ie in your case lack of friendship and lack of good attention)!!… and the negative impact that worry has on your dreaming pattern at night – leaving you exhausted and unmotivated. I can send you more resources if this would interest you let me know. Having suffered the pain of this condition I work now with people to help them recover and live full and the happy life we were meant to live! I hope you are feeling better since you wrote on this web site. take good care of yourself Miriam warm wishes Gabby

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