Sahar

Life is scary but it’s even scarier when you suffer with mental illness. Imagine being stuck in a viscous cycle that has no mercy! It is painful and crippling. Every day is filled with darkness and thoughts that can drive the sanest person insane. It feels like someone has just pushed you into a deep dark abyss and just keeps falling into the blackness of hell.

My name is Sahar, I am 18, I live in Belize(located in Central America). I will try to make this story brief and not too boring! I suffer with generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It’s drastically changed my life. I had to withdraw from school when I was 16 because the mental illness took over my body. I was terribly depressed and always anxious. I could not get out of bed. I literally could not get out, I tried and I felt stuck. I had no hope, no desires, nothing to live for. I was as empty as a hollow tree. I felt like there was a big gaping hole in me and nothing could fill the void.

Now for me, I like to consider myself too lucky and overly blessed. I have an extremely supportive family. At that time I refused to see any specialists or take any medicine. I thought it was just all a pile of horse shit. Of course it wasn’t and my family thankfully knew I just wasn’t thinking straight and able to want to get help, so they forced me. Literally dragged me out of bed to get to psychiatrist appointments, had to persuade me to do therapy every day, and constantly assure me that my medications had no dangerous side effects just so I would consider taking it. Eventually I gave up and decided it was time. It was time to change. By then my mom had given me a job at her school working with little kids. They inspired me to fix myself because I finally had something to live for. I started taking things more seriously. Each day conquering a new fear whether it was getting out of bed or not washing my hands every five seconds. I finally took the road to recovery.

I am currently still on this road, but I have accomplished so much. I get up and go to work, I am home schooled, I socialize more, and I no longer fear everything. These may seem petty but for me they are some of the biggest accomplishments in my young life. I have many triggers but sometimes it just happens and I can’t pin point why. Sometimes I have flashbacks. There are times where I have felt suicidal and once came extremely close to ending it all. Its all apart of the chaos of mental illness and this is what people don’t understand mental illness is not something you can just shake off its something that sticks on you it craves attention; it’s merciless, and viscous.

That is my story. I am sharing my story because I want to end the stigma towards mental illness and encourage people to come out and get help. The longer you hold your emotions in, the harder it gets and that can lead to the inevitable suicide. Everyday someone takes there life because it’s too much for them to handle and there to scared to get help. We have to end this. We can’t let people do this. We need to help them by accepting that everyone has problems and some people deal with it differently. Imagine, there is help out there but people are refraining from getting it because they’re scared of the stigma they will face. I for one won’t have it. My dream is to end the stigma. I know if we all come together we can do it. If there is anyone out there reading this and feels like they are on the brink of insanity please don’t give up, go and get help. Don’t feel bad for your problems. There is nothing wrong with it. I realize not everyone has accepting family member or friends and I desperately wish I could reach out to all and help but just know you are accepted and appreciated. Thank you for taking time to read this. I hope I was able to somehow inspire and motivate people to seek help and keep going. Thank you to all those who share their stories you inspire not just me but others!

2 responses to “Sahar”

  1. Joanne says:

    Your story is inspirational. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Maddie says:

    Sahar,

    Your testimony has brought tears to my eyes. I suffer with several anxiety disorders and depression and reading this made me feel like I am not alone and that there is hope. Thank you for your words and sharing your bravery.

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