Shaina S

I’ve struggled with anxiety for over a year but I always dealt with it myself. I didn’t want to be labeled as “crazy” or define the issue. After my 16th birthday, everything spiraled out of control and the issues exploded. I had multiple panic attacks a day and was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. Getting out of bed was struggle enough, going to high school?

My brain told me it was going to end in catastrophe. I went to maybe one class a day and spent the rest of the day in the psychologist’s office. I had a pretty bad streak of self-injury as well; it doesn’t help.

But the stigma surrounding these issues needs to be ended. I haven’t told many people except those closest to me because when people hear things like “panic disorder” or “depression”, they either think about how screwed up you are or how you want attention. But there has been no judgement or stigma from anyone who knows about my conditions. Everyone in my life has been so supportive and no one has changed their views about me, and I want to share this story because IT DOES GET BETTER. I didn’t think it would, but I’ve been on medication for about 2 months and in therapy twice a week and I have seen so much improvement.

I’m not going to lie to you, some days are still bad days. Some days I still hate myself for something I cannot control, and that is okay (even though it is undeserved). Mental illness is a reality, but not something to ever be ashamed of. I’ve learned that now.

One response to “Shaina S”

  1. Rob says:

    Self hatred is common, and everyone suffers from it, in various ways. As much as 70% of thoughts are negative, and this is a normal outcome of our species evolution. Anxiety, a form of fear, was very adaptive in ancient times, and kept our ancestors alive. The idea we are victims of biological defects is attractive in the same way that we think we are flawed (need fixing) and that we are sinners needing to be saved.

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