Allison’s Story

Being diagnosed as an older teen, it may seem as if my childhood and adolescence were all fun and games. But rather, it was quite the contrary. I struggled to maintain standpoint high upon the pedestal of elementary school grade point averages and community theater groups. Somehow I managed to portray an outward image of perfection, but on the inside, I was falling apart.  As far back as I can remember I have engaged in obsessional thinking and compulsive behavioral rituals. The themes rotated, based on the seasons and my interests and my age-from fires to earthquakes to death to burglars to forgetting my homework. I also remember throwing raging fits and having tremendous outbursts of emotion. I would scream, cry, and throw objects at the walls. I was purely, simply, angry. In my teen years, it was all of that, plus feelings of emptiness and sadness and dread. I even contemplated suicide at the ripe young age of 13.
      

At age 19, I went to college at UCSD, which I was so very proud of because I had worked so hard at AP’s and SAT’s throughout high school. But San Diego brought upon a whole new slew of challenges for me. I had still dealt with issues all throughout grade school, but focusing on academics and extracurriculars had kept the monstrous demons inside of me at bay. When I found myself out of context, away from family and my hometown and friends, I found myself in the dark abyss of a major depressive episode, and I was then diagnosed with Major Depression, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
      

My college years were lost to me in a whirlwind of medication consults, therapy sessions, hospital stays and treatment centers.  Yet somehow I managed to graduate in 4 years with a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. Life today is not perfect, and I’ve learned that nothing is. I am going back to school to obtain my Masters in behavior analysis, as I currently work as a behavior aide for kids with autism. I find that I can relate to my young clients-I use my past struggles to get into their world and understand their thoughts and feelings. And finally, my greatest and proudest accomplishment, is working on writing and publishing a memoir, with the title of Perfectly Imperfect-because I am and we all are, living perfectly with our own unique imperfections.