Carissa’s Story

HI! I was diagnosed with major depression when i was in 7th grade. I remember praying to God in 5th grade to let me just die. I would make myself sick worrying about going to school, because I didn't feel accepted, as if no one liked me. I felt totally alone, even when surrounded by friends and family. Feeling alone is the worst. Many have told me to "suck it up" or "you have a wonderful life with people who love you, why would you be depressed?" Having this illness makes it very hard to see reality. The self-loathing, the envy of others, feeling exhausted and having headaches from stress, the fear, and inability to see yourself as worthy of more. I was put up for adoption because my birth father, who was most likely bipolar, committed suicide. I was not born yet and he did not know I was coming. Most likely my depression is genetic, like any other genetic illness, it is not my fault. Through therapy and using anti-depressant drugs, I am able to live a full life. I have been using medication for close to 8 years. They saved my life from being a constant, debilitating, struggle. I finished college with a B.A., I'm in love, I'm open about my depression, and have found joy in living. I wish only the best for everyone else who is battling their own depression. Don't let anyone else tell you who you should be, how you should feel or think, or your condition is not real. You are not alone! You are strong and brave, and worthy of more.My heart aches for those of you who have not accepted help. There is nothing more courageous than asking for help. I have hope, you can too. Hugs