Lauren’s Story

I work in the department of psychiatry at a hospital. Today I sat at a meeting with other employees in that department around a long table. Mostly I was recognized as a co-worker, but a few people noticed me as a patient.  I have bipolar disorder.  Only 2 or 3 people know this in my family, 1 friend and nobody I work with.  I say I have "attention problems," or "ADD." That is much more acceptable.  At that meeting today I knew I had a double life.  I know that if it's known I will lose credibility, trust and confidence from the people I rely on. This is not something they will do on purpose, or with bad intent.  I have a hard enough time trusting myself, and believing in my dreams. I need people's confidence. I deserve credibility, and I want the people I care about to trust that I can help them when they need it. I'm not a bad person and I've worked so hard to just be "normal". It hurts me that I'm afraid to be different.  I tried not to speak at that meeting today, and crossed my fingers that nobody would notice I'm a little "weird."  Nobody seems to know and so I go on.......