Sarah’s Story

I’m a mother, wife, teacher, daughter, sister and granddaughter. I am also living with bipolar disorder (type I). I never knew I was bipolar, although it definitely runs in my family. I was 31 and the mother of two very young girls when I had my first manic episode. In retrospect I was hypo manic for some time. I was working on little sleep, feeling creative and had a lot of self confidence. I didn’t know something was wrong until I started having delusions and became extremely paranoid about everything. I thought spirits were flying in and out of bodies. My sister and husband took me to a psychiatrist and upon his recommendation I was hospitalized. Healing and staying in remission has been the hardest journey and most difficult obstacle I have ever endured. I have a hard time telling that to most people because stigma is very much alive. But slowly I let people know my challenges and obstacles. Sleep is definitely one of my hardest challenges now. I either sleep too little or too much. Most mornings I wake up feeling like a rag doll and push through the day. For someone without bipolar I explain it as waking up with the stomach flu every morning and pushing through.

Three years have passed and I’ve dealt mostly with depression and anxiety. Both can be a real bear, but I manage with the help of my medicine, doctor, therapist and a loving family. I am also the mother of three beautiful girls. During my journey I wanted nothing more than to have a third child; we were trying before my diagnosis. I stayed on low doses of two of my medicines and have a happy and healthy baby girl. 

I look back at my first manic episode, my first major depression, and all of my panic attacks and think how did I manage (while taking care of my family). I think about the future and think, how will I manage. The proof is right in front of me day to day. I am managing. I am living. I am loving. That feels good. Being bipolar (type I) is not easy, but over time it certainly becomes manageable. I have a lot of people to thank for getting me to this point, especially myself.  Coming to self is a hard difficult journey but one worth making to become more self-aware and to erase any stigma.