Tera’s Story

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 years ago at the age of 44. My life is relatively normal now thanks to my medication.  I don’t like to think about the past – too many mistakes and embarrassing moments. 

Sometimes those closest to you are the ones that are the least accepting of the news. My family doesn't want to talk about the mental illness.  If I try to bring up the subject to my mom or sister they listen briefly and then change the subject.  They act like it’s something I’ve made up.  I function at a high level, so people find it hard to believe my diagnosis.  My husband says that I can control it if I just try harder, and sometimes suggests I should stop taking all those medications.  I live in a small town, and people don’t understand these types of things out here, so I don't tell my friends. No one asks me how I feel.  It feels lonely, but I am thankful that things are better than they were. 

Part of the disconnected feeling comes from the illness itself – in feeling that everyone around you is so slow to react to things. I’ve learned to monitor my thoughts and become aware when other people reacting slowly makes me angry.  I can sleep now, I don’t get in arguments with people all the time, I don’t feel an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and dread, and so much of the anger inside of me has subsided.  This illness is my cross to bear in life.  Realizing that I can conquer my internal demons has helped me realize that I can accomplish almost anything in life.