Susan G

When I was 27 I knew something wasn’t right about me. I went to a doctor, secretly, and was told I had schizoaffective disorder. That means bipolar and schizophrenia. I was on meds for about two months and lost my job when they found out. Stigma at its worst. I totally denied having this. I was just too young. When I turned thirty four it reared its ugly head again. I didn’t know who to tell or what to say.

One day I decided to run down the street in my pajamas – I still don’t know why. I was hospitalized over and over until I got on the right meds. I’ve had eight serious suicide attempts due to stigma mainly and the fact that I didn’t want to live like this anymore.

I gave up on suicide. It just wasn’t my time. I take my meds.  I have a good Doctor which is half the battle. I live one moment at a time. My meds only do so much. I have to control my environment and keep negative people out of my life and haters. My adult son lives with me and he’s seen me do a lot of “in my own world” things. He doesn’t understand it. I don’t expect him to. I wouldn’t understand it either if this hell didn’t happen to me.

I don’t think about suicide anymore. I just brush the stigma off. I have renewed my faith in Jesus and try to do church activities, but sometimes it is hard when you can’t be dependable. I have to give a shout out to my parents who are so understanding and supportive. I believe the Lord sent me four good friends with the same illness. Maybe I will find a husband like me but I am used to being isolated and not getting out much.

Peace to you all and keep your heads up. You’re just as good as anyone else.

One response to “Susan G”

  1. Francois says:

    I am very proud of you! keep working! Never give up! Send you all the positive energy from Spain. And remember: the world is your home.

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