My name is Wendy. I am a mother of three amazing children. I am the Grammy to five grandchildren…under the age of five!! I have two little dogs. I was married 25 years and have been divorced for 8 years. I am an artist, a musician, a writer, a singer, a youth camp councilor for 30 years,and I am mentally ill. I have been hospitalized 11 times. The last in 2005.
I have been with the same therapist for 25 years. I have gone from 3 times a week to 2 times a month in therapy. I struggled with self mutilation for over 30 years. I have not cut myself for over 10 years. I have been suicidal more often than not. I have integrated 29 out of 30 personalities. I have survived horrible things. It is a part of my story but not my identity. I have found hope among the ashes.
I speak of my mental illness often because it is my authentic self. I will probably always have the last personality with me. She is Molly age 3. My inner child, just like everyone else only more defined. We tried to integrate Molly and it has not happened. I need her still, and that’s okay. I have a strong spiritual faith. Some have said, ” How can you believe in a God that allows so much pain?” I say because he gave us all the great gift of agency. He gave us the chance to choose good or evil for ourselves. The people who hurt me chose to do so. God stepped in with a miracle.
I would have died if I had not developed 30 personalities to help me cope, and survive. What I used to call the curse of my life I found out is the miracle! That is why I love butterflies so much. The caterpillar called it the end of the world, the butterfly called it the miracle. I was also given people in my life to help me heal and grow into something greater. I relate so much to Robin Williams because I have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh and make others laugh. Many times underneath crying and alone. Reaching out is sooo important. I would joke about the Multiplicity and say how I could drive in the car pool lane. Some days you just have to lighten up.
I never thought I would be blessed so much from my mental illness. Oh, I still have to stay on top of things to not circle the drain, with fear of falling into that dark abyss. I have tools, and people, and this self to grab onto and pull myself up. It is a long journey. It is so worth it. I am so many things to so many people, and I have a mental illness.