Wendy U

My name is Wendy. I am a mother of three amazing children. I am the Grammy to five grandchildren…under the age of five!! I have two little dogs. I was married 25 years and have been divorced for 8 years. I am an artist, a musician, a writer, a singer, a youth camp councilor for 30 years,and I am mentally ill. I have been hospitalized 11 times. The last in 2005.

I have been with the same therapist for 25 years. I have gone from 3 times a week to 2 times a month in therapy. I struggled with self mutilation for over 30 years. I have not cut myself for over 10 years. I have been suicidal more often than not. I have integrated 29 out of 30 personalities. I have survived horrible things. It is a part of my story but not my identity. I have found hope among the ashes.

I speak of my mental illness often because it is my authentic self. I will probably always have the last personality with me. She is Molly age 3. My inner child, just like everyone else only more defined. We tried to integrate Molly and it has not happened. I need her still, and that’s okay. I have a strong spiritual faith. Some have said, ” How can you believe in a God that allows so much pain?” I say because he gave us all the great gift of agency. He gave us the chance to choose good or evil for ourselves. The people who hurt me chose to do so. God stepped in with a miracle.

I would have died if I had not developed 30 personalities to help me cope, and survive. What I used to call the curse of my life I found out is the miracle! That is why I love butterflies so much. The caterpillar called it the end of the world, the butterfly called it the miracle. I was also given people in my life to help me heal and grow into something greater. I relate so much to Robin Williams because I have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh and make others laugh. Many times underneath crying and alone. Reaching out is sooo important. I would joke about the Multiplicity and say how I could drive in the car pool lane. Some days you just have to lighten up.

I never thought I would be blessed so much from my mental illness. Oh, I still have to stay on top of things to not circle the drain, with fear of falling into that dark abyss. I have tools, and people, and this self to grab onto and pull myself up. It is a long journey. It is so worth it. I am so many things to so many people, and I have a mental illness.

2 responses to “Wendy U”

  1. Miracle H says:

    This is beautiful! It is so inspiring to see you give the glory to God, and it is encouraging to hear you say some things very similar to my mom. My mom has DID, and when they first counted, she had about 30 personalities. Now she has somewhere between 10 and 15 personalities. It is weird how much I miss some of the personalities that have integrated. But, I look forward to seeing her continue to heal. Thank you for sharing your story!

  2. Lillian says:

    Thanks for sharing. I shared “Lillian ‘s” story with DID. I think it can be important not to integrate your 3yr old “inner child”. Like you I have worked super hard, 14 psych inpatient, 2 grown sons , self harm and chronically suicidal. Your therapy would have integrated her by now if it was mentioned to naturally be. Although people who do not have DID have an inner child it is only basically the same. But in reality it is different. ….like you say more defined. My thought is Her staying with you is a form of respect for what you survived …..to stay genuine and real. Your mind must have some important reason such as validation of needs and knowing how to provide care for her as much as yourself, your children and Grand babies. I have not been hospitallied after finding a trauma therapist who understands trauma and dissociative issues. He knows in patient only makes things worse with high risk of serious setbacks. 4 years with him once a week, 16 years in mental health treatment. I appreciate your hope and positivity. Thank you

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