Hello fellow humans my name is Amanda and I have depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I first started experiencing depression when I was 14. I was raped on my high school campus and no matter what I did I was still forced to see him and interact with my rapist. He harassed me through out high school and it made me feel absolutely worthless. So I started cutting. To this day I still cut. I don’t do it with suicidal intentions. I just can’t afford medical care to properly treat my illness.
After high school I started working and going to work really helped my depression. I made friends who did not attend my high school who understood and supported me but in return working nonstop has given me anxiety. I was a server at a restaurant for about a year and I met some of the most amazing people. I even met a guy who understood and helped me deal with my past and move from it. But I was fired from this job and the guy left me. I couldn’t understand why I was fired so I took it out on the amazing people.
Since then I have struggled. Work helps my depression but fuels my anxiety and panic attacks. Some days it also triggers my self harm episodes. Whether it is cutting or hitting myself I have no control over the problem. I have tried to seek help but living in a small close minded town. I often get told I am just looking for attention.
I have a serious problem and I will keep telling my story to every one. No one deserves to suffer like I do. I know that I don’t deserve to feel this way. My hope with making this public is for someone to realize it’s okay to have mental illness. You are not seeking attention you have a medical issue. And that maybe you can stand up and help yourself in ways I have not.
Keep looking for help. It’s out there.