Cassidy C

By September 22, 2016Story

Hi there, I think that sharing your story is VERY important!!!! Unfortunately, I’m a bit camera shy so I’m going to type my story…

I have been dealing with anxiety issues all my life I believe… The first real panic attack I remember is when a bully told me my mom was dead and wouldn’t be there to meet me at the bus stop like she did EVERYDAY! It was horrible! But I wasn’t diagnosed with having panic attacks/anxiety until the age of 13. Since then, I’ve been on and off different medications and therapy for this. But in my opinion, nothing helps more than the medication & counseling. One without the other doesn’t cut it for me unfortunately that’s how bad it is for me. I can’t even experience ‘good stress’ as in going away on a vacation, going to a friend’s wedding, waiting to see one of my favorite bands. Because come on now!!! Who can live without your tunes!?! Lol!

Sometimes I see the light at the end of the tunnel and my anxiety disorder isn’t too bad and I start to taper off of the meds, to be blindsided by crippling attacks AGAIN!!

I went through a 2 year period where a doctor was prescribing adderall 30mg 3 times a say for me while I was going to college. And up until I started this medication, I could keep my anxiety in check for the most part, it wasn’t ruining my life, let’s say. But after I was taken off of the adderall is when I spun out of control with the anxiety and attacks. I believe that being speeded up like that, did something to my brain! I really wish this doctor knew enough to not prescribe this to someone that had preconditions like panic attacks/anxiety. Truth be told though, I believe he was ‘A script dr.’ I’m sure you have heard of them… Go to them, pay them cash, and you will get whatever you want. Basically a legal drug pusher!

I also deal with depression. I’ve been on ssooo many medications for depression that I lost count over the years. Either they make me feel worse than I already feel, I get zombified (meaning ‘Oh, the house is burning down? So what? We have insurance. Our stuff is replaceable.’ No ups, no downs. And I just can’t deal with that AT ALL! What I found was a medication used to treat nerve pain called, Gabapentin. See, what this medication does is creates more gaba (a natural occurring chemical in your brain) and releases more into your brain. I call them my happy pills! Lol. But seriously, if you are like me and have a hard time taking antidepressants/mood stablizers/whatever they like to label them, I suggest asking doc for these.

I’m also a recovering addict. I’m clean 7 years with thanks to the suboxone program. I wasn’t a street drug user, I have legitimate health issues that sometimes disable me from leading a productive life. So here I am diagnosed with a neurovascular non cancerous inoperable tumor and two herniated discs in my back and fibromyalgia all at the age of 13. Little did I know that the doctor’s were getting me hooked on these meds!!! It just seemed that 1 wasn’t doing it anymore, then 2 or 3 wasn’t cutting it… I went to school with people that became addicted to heroin, but that wasn’t me!!! I’m under a doctor’s care, so how can I be labeled a junkie? Is what I kept telling myself anyways… I finally caught wise to the whole thing around age 16/17 when I had helped a friend go through a detox. It’s the same, weather you are under a doctor’s care or you are buying it from the street. I do believe pills are harder to quit than heroin, because they are soooo much stronger!

I guess that’s about it for me and my story, thank you so much for taking the time to read it and if you have ANY questions or something you would like to know more about, please feel free to respond. Much love to you all suffering with mental and physical health issues!

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