Here we are: 2017 with a new President and everything that comes with that. Closer to home, we have snow and everything that comes with that. I much prefer the snow.
I made a grave error over the holidays: I ate everything in sight! Now I have to try to revert to what I was eating before Thanksgiving – NOT MUCH!! Not wanting to become diabetic is what makes me resist my appetite; if it wasn’t for medical reasons I would eat myself into oblivion. But that’s not what makes the New Year great. I like to think positive thoughts about 2017, not just those common resolutions like relationships and whether we’ll get a new dog or cat.
This year I’ll make a grand effort to stop my quiet temper tantrums over taking my medications. Almost every night, when I glance at my clock and see it’s almost 8pm, I want to say “NO!!!!!!!!! I’m so sick and tired of taking these damn pills!!” But guess what? I take them anyway. For all of us who take medication, I concur that it’s a pain-in-the-ass routine. For all of us who feel really good and think we can get away with stopping our meds, THINK and REMEMBER how it used to be. All I have to do is remember what it felt like to be catatonic, hiding in the closet, the unbearableness of it all. I wouldn’t mind being manic for a few hours but I wouldn’t trust myself to not wrecking my life again. I don’t want to have to apologize over and over again like I did when mania finally left years ago. So, I take them.
So far 2017 sees me eating less and sticking to (not whining about) my medications.
2017 will see me walking my dogs every day, not just when I feel like it. Walking dogs is code for getting exercise. I am in the process of resigning from the athletic club I belonged to because I NEVER WENT!! I’ve been paying for over a year and have only gone once and that was awful; I joined a yoga class and couldn’t do much. I don’t know why I didn’t resign my membership that very day – pride? Walking my dogs not only gives them time out of the house but I get the kind of brisk walking that is recommended to anyone.
It’s snowing tonight as I write to you. The sidewalk is dusty with snow showing the tread of my shoes and the paw tracks of one of my dogs – Rosco if you must know. Tomorrow, by mid-morning, the tracks will be replaced with snow shovel marks. But the snow will be back.
I think 3 resolutions is enough, just the right number to uphold. Eating right, not whining about taking my meds and walking the dogs: I can do that.
I’m including a painting by my eldest son, Calen Pick, who lives with schizoaffective disorder. ‘Cottonwoods on the River’ and, as you can see, it is winter here in Montana.
There is a difference between denying our feelings and needs and defying the expectations of others.
One is denial, the other is defiance.
Defiance can be an outward expression of an inner experience we are having that is difficult to handle.
Mindfulness practice consists of focusing on our inner experience.
I’m confused by what you called walking. Is it exercise or is it a code for exercise? Do you like your quickening heartbeat? I personally feel my heart and lungs cooperating as a kind of symphony. The orchestra is often very quiet. Compressing the diaphragm quiets the outside world and increases the sound of my heartbeat and breathing. But I also have sensory sensitivity. Your results may be different if your sense of touch or eyesight are more sensitive.
Have you worked with a personal trainer ever? Not to diminish your website or anything, but sometimes an indirect approach to self improvement works better than a direct one.
Interview a prospective personal trainer. Ask for the names of two or three of his or her clients to verify the kind of results you can expect. It sounds like you’re on to something good here.
Sure your son painted that? It looks like something may have been stolen from Sotheby’s.