I’m waiting,

Waiting for days, that became weeks, then became months.

I’m sitting here and waiting, 

on the floor in the dark, open space.

Waiting as people are passing by.

Passing by my eyes, my mouth, my heart.

They let them dry out, let my tongue be removed, let it stop beating.

They strut by without acknowledging 

Where my eyes look, what my mouth says, and what my heart feels.

 

I’m sitting here, waiting.

While my hands shake, and my lips tremble.

Waiting for something to happen, someone to come to me,

Waiting for what to happen? Waiting for who to come?

Anything. Anyone.

Anything and anyone to make me feel alive,

To make me feel love,

To make me feel anger,  

To make me feel pain,

To make me feel HUMAN.

 

Now look at my brown eyes, listen to my mouth lined with train tracks, feel my pumping heart.

Let them observe, let it speak, let it beat.

Because I am HUMAN.

I am a HUMAN,

And I am tired of not seeing, speaking, and feeling the rhythm in my chest. 

 

The longer I wait, 

I’ll go blind, I’ll go mute, and blood will stop being pumped throughout my whole body,

And I won’t be HUMAN anymore. 

My skin will go pale, I will become lifeless, and desiccate.

 

I’m sitting here, waiting.

But I’m tired of waiting.

If you won’t grab my hand and lift me up,

I’ll grab my own.

I’ll make me HUMAN again

Because I deserve to be HUMAN.

 

This poem was written at a time of loneliness. Loneliness has been a problem of mine ever since I started high school. We all know that high school has the ability to change people drastically, and I believe we all have experienced a change in ourselves or a change in another person. The change I experienced was in myself and in other people. Before high school, I was very social, and I talked to anyone that was around me with no trouble. After starting high school, my social skills diminished and I became someone I didn’t recognize. I watched as others in my grade met new friends and went out with them after school or over the weekend. I watched as people had fun instead of staying at home alone as I did. I watched as they became the social that I used to be. The social that I wanted to be, but I couldn’t. For the life of me, I couldn’t do what they did. I couldn’t be the person I kept telling myself I wanted to be. I noticed that I didn’t have many friends, and I didn’t go out that much. This realization caused me to feel the loneliest I have ever felt. I convinced myself I had no one, and that everyone just “strut by without acknowledging.” I let this loneliness take over, and I just waited. I waited till something good would happen to me without putting any effort into it. I was hoping that someone or something would lift me up from my deep, dark lonely hole, but that isn’t how life works. 

I wrote this poem for a call for help, but the only person that can truly help me is myself. Of course, others can be a part of this helping process, but you are the only one that determines the end game. I wrote this poem to also allow others to know that the loneliness they experience isn’t being experienced alone. There are many people that feel this loneliness and feel like there’s no one there for them, but here is the message. If you have this feeling, I want to let you know you are never truly alone. Others like me understand this feeling and understand it enough to know that it can be truly painful. I want to help others face their loneliness and become the person they truly are. Going back to my experience, the person I wanted to be may not be the person that I will be. I may not have found who I am now, but I know that I eventually will. I may not be the social, outgoing person that I keep seeing around, but I will be someone that I and others will love. 

 

– Katherine, California

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