We are privileged to share blog postings from our Ambassador Jessie Close, Adrienne Gurman, Henry Boy Jenkins, and other guest bloggers.  Please visit regularly as our content will be updated often.

Statistically Speaking

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When I am unaware of my symptoms because I’m living within them, my therapist picks up on the subtleties and we tether. It’s her job to pay attention to the rhythms. I have learned to let pride evanesce. This simple action gives me the courage to speak when I am lost in my illness. My clumsiness and flatness become clues for us both. We work together because I am worth it.

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Medication

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I’m in a bit of a daze at the moment. I attribute this bewilderment to reading the journal I kept while in a psychiatric hospital. I had forgotten, over the past nine years, how sick I was and it has been quite disconcerting to re-visit it.

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Keeping Hope Alive

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I’m aware that trauma can be treated. I see and read about success stories every day and I’m inspired by the triumphs made by complete strangers and close friends. My desire to get better is potent enough to overcome this struggle. Thankfully I have a terrific support system in place and plenty of people who truly care for my wellbeing.

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Mirror Mirror

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Therapy set me on a course of cognition; a recovery program helped solve the drink problem. One evening our group topic was relationships. Most of the men were married or dating. Sobriety had helped them create meaningful connections. I shared about my awkwardness in talking with women, how the wild-pitch verbal aspect of my schizophrenia was tantamount to sneakers clunking away in the dryer.

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Willingness

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Willingness is also relevant to mental illness. I wasn’t willing to medicate away mania but depression was another story. I hate depression and I was always frightened when I felt its heavy hand on my brain, blackening my heart. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do away with the depression without killing the mania

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Hellish Shoes

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I remember, in the ‘70’s, wearing such high heeled boots that I tipped forward and looked ridiculous. But thinking back on it I don’t think even those heels were anywhere near what women are wearing today. Honestly, I thought women were more empowered and sensible these days. What’s going on?

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Deep Thoughts

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Nine out of ten times when I’m given advice on how to cope with life while struggling with an episode of deep depression and anxiety, words that are meant to comfort me and give me hope, are exactly the same as those I’ve been repeating to myself for what seems like forever. The familiar phrases, such as “this too shall pass,” or “you’re stronger than your illness,” are permanently branded on my brain. So it came as a surprise, more like a shock actually, when just a few days ago, someone who knows me very well told me that I think too much.

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Ship Ahoy! Learning to Navigate

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I have a list of people that I trust who I can call when I am feeling alone, afraid, or confused. I have learned to be unwaveringly honest about what is happening in my internal world, to speak my truth even when it doesn’t sound “right”. If I need to talk about distortions, fears, and anxieties, I just do.

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